[Tohru. He must have been...especially precious to Natsuno. Someone irreplaceable. Which just makes that latter statement extra painful.]
So--you did, too.
[See ones that looked familiar to him, that is. Rita figured he must have, that it couldn't have just been her and Jade, but Natsuno hid it all so well that she couldn't tell at the time who he might have recognized.]
Sorry. Even though you must have been hurting, too...you were still saving everyone else.
[He shakes his head before Rita even finishes to say "sorry." Hurting? He barely felt anything while they were fleeing. His body moved on its own taking those creatures out.]
...That fake couldn't hurt me. Not after seeing the real Tohru-chan rise.
[Honestly, she doesn't entirely believe that he wasn't hurt. But--seeing him rise--her hands clench nervously with the reminder of what happened in his village, yet she goes ahead and asks anyway-]
[Natsuno is a little surprised that she asks, after freaking out every time he brought it up.]
No. He looked and sounded just like when he was alive. [The difference between the body in the wake, devoid of anything that made Tohru Tohru, and the one knocking on his window was outstanding.] I'd never be able to tell the difference if I didn't feel how cold his hand was.
[He falls silent once more, staring ahead as he thinks. Maybe he should just tell the whole truth, now that Rita is willing to listen despite her discomfort. No more wondering what she'll think if she knows what that "disease" really is.
Some of his other friends already know. Rita deserves the truth as well.]
[It's still...unsettling, and there's a part of her that still wants to deny that any of it was possible. A bigger part of her trusts Natsuno, though. Even if it still sends shivers down her spine.]
Th...that's... [Less visceral than what they encountered last night, maybe? Yet...worse, too--already dealing with his best friend's death, only for him to come back...seemingly normal, yet... Came back wrong, Natsuno had said. ...She can understand how that would've been more painful than yesterday's fakes.
Then Natsuno ends up asking that question before she can collect her thoughts into a response, and she blinks at him.]
Huh? ...I--I guess...
[She's heard of that kind of story in passing, even if she would've preferred not to, but--oh. He did...mention before that they drank blood? And she hadn't been...willing to make the connection, until now that he's putting it out there.]
[So she knows what the word means. It makes things - well, not easier, not with how she's already startled. But is saves him the explanation.]
Yeah.
[Natsuno sighs. Why is it so hard? He mostly kept his true nature to himself, but when hiding it became impossible, he never felt like the confession had to be dragged out of him. It was unpleasant, sure, but also the natural outcome of being a monster. He's always ready to accept any possible reaction, so why is he dreading it now?]
Yes. [He keeps his voice neutral. While he told Rita the truth and only lied by omission, he's not going to make excuses.] I can, too. The difference is that those who died and rose have to drink blood, and I can survive just fine on normal food.
[He's not about to lie by omission now, though. It's time to come clean. While Natsuno's expression doesn't change, he definitely takes a moment to calm himself and think about the clearest, simplest way to put it.]
But... drinking blood makes me stronger and helps me heal faster. They serve it in the buffet, in one of the coffee machines. [Mostly for the other vampires onboard, who don't have the privilege of eating like humans.] I didn't touch it at first, but after Jenny's storm... [He huffs quietly.] I realized I needed every advantage I could get here.
[He'd never feed on passengers, but the coffee machine is there whether he uses it or not.]
[This is all a lot of very unsettling information, in a way, even if she'd struggle to imagine Natsuno as a blood-sucking monster if her life depended on it. It'll probably take a bit of time to process it all.
In the meantime, the detail that stands out to her most here...]
--There's blood in one of those?! Gross...
[Thank goodness she's not that much of a coffee person. Wait, what else did he say...something about drinking it himself??]
[It's definitely gross. Natsuno ignored the damn thing for a month, but it wouldn't stop beeping at him until the first drink he had, in the aftermath of Hurricane Jenny. He could swear the machine looked smug.]
...yeah. Without it, I'm no stronger than humans my age.
[He nods. That's sums it up, really. This really isn't the time to give her a laundry list of his weaknesses - though Natsuno would answer honestly if she asks. For now, he's just... well, let's not dwell on what he's feeling right now. He - appreciates that while Rita's repulsed by the idea of drinking blood, she's not repulsed by him.]
Mm. Shiki can only drink human blood. That's how they turn others. I think the blood in the buffet is human too, but I don't know where or who it comes from.
[Asking him about his weaknesses is about the furthest thing from her mind right now, and will probably continue to be so until something happens to reveal one of those weaknesses at an inopportune time. Otherwise...what she said a couple months ago hasn't changed: who he is being more important than what he is, even now. Maybe moreso now that he's told her all this.]
I see--well, it's not like we know where any of the food comes from...
[Something that has continued to vaguely bother her since they arrived and which she'd still prefer not to go crazy thinking about...anyway...]
But...how they turn others... So, you were... ["If I didn't feel how cold his hands were"--something clicks, and quietly, almost reluctantly, she continues.] Was it...Tohru?
[The question hardly comes as a surprise, but it still feels like being punched in the gut. He didn't realize how painful it would be to hear someone else say Tohru's name, especially in that context.
Natsuno stares at his knees, not wanting to see the quiet realization on Rita's face. How can he accept someone else's grief and sympathy when he won't give it to himself? All he can think about is a dark room and icy tears.
[Her chest twinges painfully just to see the way he confirms, totally silently, the answer she was already dreading. It's not fair... He shouldn't have had to...
Abruptly, she springs up from the bed onto her feet.]
I don't believe you. [Hands on her hips, she thankfully continues before that can be misunderstood in any way-] How can you not be hurting after last night?! After seeing that--something pretending to be him?! There's no way!
[She's certain he's hurting, whether he realizes it himself or not. It makes her hurt for him too, even if she doesn't really know how to help him through his grief, except-]
I'm just saying that you don't have to hurt alone, you know?
[He's quiet for a few moments. It's not that Natsuno doesn't get empathy. He cares for Rita, who has long since managed to crack the walls he put around himself. But this particular door has been locked and bolted so tightly, it's difficult to even think about letting other people's feelings in.]
I know. [Natsuno lifts his head to look at her, still serious, but some of the tightness around his eyes and jaw softens, just a little. He can step out of himself far enough to appreciate her intent, if not feel it.] It's just... too personal.
[Considering it's Natsuno, who seems to keep so much inside that half the time it's hard to tell what he's thinking, she isn't surprised. And some things...are hard to talk about. She nods, answering quietly.]
Yeah...I get it.
[Still...what to do? Natsuno is a person, not a formula--and unlike formulae, there's not going to be an answer for every problem. If only they could actually blast the jerk responsible for digging up all this pain--
--Oh. She has an idea. She steps towards the couch, inclining her head towards the door.]
[If digging up further details would only make him hurt worse, Rita won't do it. He's already shared more than enough.
Instead, she'll start leading him to the pool deck--and along the way, she'll ramble a little instead of leaving the silence to sit awkwardly after everything they've just talked about.]
You know one thing I hated about ending up on this bucket, at the start? It didn't let me have the chance to blast the jerk who hurt Estelle. So, I came up with the next best thing.
[Sounds like she wants to help him take the anger out. That's... nice of her, and also a little concerning, so Natsuno is secretly relieved the elevator takes them to the pool deck instead of the top one, where the bridge is.
He doesn't ask what the "next best thing" is, figuring he shouldn't ruin the surprise.]
[She's already doing some mental planning on the formula alterations she's going to do, but after a momentarily blink at Natsuno, she nods gratefully.]
Yeah... It was a close one, but...she's alright.
[Few things had ever made her as happy in her whole life as when they finally saved Estelle. Yet it also feels just a little awkward, knowing that Natsuno and his friend didn't get anything resembling a happy ending, no matter how much he must have wanted it too...
Well. The only thing to do right now is vent some of that frustration. Rita leads him to an unoccupied area near the pool, and nods.]
This spot should do. Now, let's see... Just give me a second...
[She then just...sits down and flips open the notebook she carries around to a page filled with messily-written equations and what looks like a crude humanoid drawing; she starts to make some additional notes while she talks absently.]
So, anyway... If I couldn't blast that jerk... I figured I'd just make something... [Instead of finishing the thought, she trails off, nodding at the modifications she's made to the spell.] Yeah, this should do. Okay.
[Rita gets back to her feet and casts an earth spell, something like a modified version of her Stalagmite, but instead of a sharp point stabbing up from the ground, it's slower, a little more delicate: a mass of stone that shifts and reforms itself into a rough-hewn humanoid shape.]
...Genius! So. [She turns to Natsuno.] Want to smash the captain?
[Ignore the fact that this is a hasty modification so the proportions are wrong and the face already looks half-beaten-in. It might still vaguely resemble the captain's usual human form if he squints.]
[He isn't sure where this is going, but the slowly-forming statue is incredible to behold, and Natsuno is once again awed by her talent. He doesn't realize what it's supposed to be until Rita speaks, and he looks from her to the statue, surprised. Yes, he can see it now - that crack can be a smug grin, and that bit looks like a dumb top hat.
And she wants him to smash it? It's ridiculous and childish and pointless and just so -
Sweet.
Natsuno chuckles to himself, almost a huff. Well, if Rita put all this work into it, he shouldn't turn it down.
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neverleave) wrote2022-03-03 11:35 pm
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[There's a long pause before he can continue. It's still hard to even think about Torhu, let alone talk about him.]
...I saw one shaped like him, back in the desert.
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So--you did, too.
[See ones that looked familiar to him, that is. Rita figured he must have, that it couldn't have just been her and Jade, but Natsuno hid it all so well that she couldn't tell at the time who he might have recognized.]
Sorry. Even though you must have been hurting, too...you were still saving everyone else.
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...That fake couldn't hurt me. Not after seeing the real Tohru-chan rise.
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W-was it...anything like--that? When it happened?
[Like last night, walking, rotting corpses...]
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No. He looked and sounded just like when he was alive. [The difference between the body in the wake, devoid of anything that made Tohru Tohru, and the one knocking on his window was outstanding.] I'd never be able to tell the difference if I didn't feel how cold his hand was.
[He falls silent once more, staring ahead as he thinks. Maybe he should just tell the whole truth, now that Rita is willing to listen despite her discomfort. No more wondering what she'll think if she knows what that "disease" really is.
Some of his other friends already know. Rita deserves the truth as well.]
...do you know what a "vampire" is?
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Th...that's... [Less visceral than what they encountered last night, maybe? Yet...worse, too--already dealing with his best friend's death, only for him to come back...seemingly normal, yet... Came back wrong, Natsuno had said. ...She can understand how that would've been more painful than yesterday's fakes.
Then Natsuno ends up asking that question before she can collect her thoughts into a response, and she blinks at him.]
Huh? ...I--I guess...
[She's heard of that kind of story in passing, even if she would've preferred not to, but--oh. He did...mention before that they drank blood? And she hadn't been...willing to make the connection, until now that he's putting it out there.]
Wait--you mean--that's what happened to him?!
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Yeah.
[Natsuno sighs. Why is it so hard? He mostly kept his true nature to himself, but when hiding it became impossible, he never felt like the confession had to be dragged out of him. It was unpleasant, sure, but also the natural outcome of being a monster. He's always ready to accept any possible reaction, so why is he dreading it now?]
And to me. That was the disease I told you about.
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[She watches him sympathetically, letting him explain--as her brain slowly plays catch-up. So shiki means vampire, and Natsuno's... Her eyes widen.]
Wait...you're a vampire?
[--Well, she can't imagine he'd possibly lie about this, so it has to be true, but...]
But...I thought--you said the ones who didn't survive the transformation drink blood!
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[He's not about to lie by omission now, though. It's time to come clean. While Natsuno's expression doesn't change, he definitely takes a moment to calm himself and think about the clearest, simplest way to put it.]
But... drinking blood makes me stronger and helps me heal faster. They serve it in the buffet, in one of the coffee machines. [Mostly for the other vampires onboard, who don't have the privilege of eating like humans.] I didn't touch it at first, but after Jenny's storm... [He huffs quietly.] I realized I needed every advantage I could get here.
[He'd never feed on passengers, but the coffee machine is there whether he uses it or not.]
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In the meantime, the detail that stands out to her most here...]
--There's blood in one of those?! Gross...
[Thank goodness she's not that much of a coffee person. Wait, what else did he say...something about drinking it himself??]
...Oh, so...that's...why you're so strong?
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...yeah. Without it, I'm no stronger than humans my age.
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[Even if it's something that should seem kind of obvious in retrospect...it still feels surreal. Abstract.]
So...you have weird blood and sometimes you drink blood. That's...basically how it is?
[Yet the ones who died were required to drink blood... Oh. Oh.]
...Does it--is it human blood?
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Mm. Shiki can only drink human blood. That's how they turn others. I think the blood in the buffet is human too, but I don't know where or who it comes from.
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I see--well, it's not like we know where any of the food comes from...
[Something that has continued to vaguely bother her since they arrived and which she'd still prefer not to go crazy thinking about...anyway...]
But...how they turn others... So, you were... ["If I didn't feel how cold his hands were"--something clicks, and quietly, almost reluctantly, she continues.] Was it...Tohru?
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Natsuno stares at his knees, not wanting to see the quiet realization on Rita's face. How can he accept someone else's grief and sympathy when he won't give it to himself? All he can think about is a dark room and icy tears.
The words won't come out, so he simply nods.]
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[Her chest twinges painfully just to see the way he confirms, totally silently, the answer she was already dreading. It's not fair... He shouldn't have had to...
Abruptly, she springs up from the bed onto her feet.]
I don't believe you. [Hands on her hips, she thankfully continues before that can be misunderstood in any way-] How can you not be hurting after last night?! After seeing that--something pretending to be him?! There's no way!
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[Why is she always so upset on his behalf? Natsuno doesn't need - doesn't want anyone digging, forcing him to relive things he can't change.]
Tohru-chan's gone for good. That thing wasn't him. So what's the pointm
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[She's certain he's hurting, whether he realizes it himself or not. It makes her hurt for him too, even if she doesn't really know how to help him through his grief, except-]
I'm just saying that you don't have to hurt alone, you know?
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I know. [Natsuno lifts his head to look at her, still serious, but some of the tightness around his eyes and jaw softens, just a little. He can step out of himself far enough to appreciate her intent, if not feel it.] It's just... too personal.
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Yeah...I get it.
[Still...what to do? Natsuno is a person, not a formula--and unlike formulae, there's not going to be an answer for every problem. If only they could actually blast the jerk responsible for digging up all this pain--
--Oh. She has an idea. She steps towards the couch, inclining her head towards the door.]
Come with me.
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He's a little confused when she decides to go just like that, but follows her anyway.]
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Instead, she'll start leading him to the pool deck--and along the way, she'll ramble a little instead of leaving the silence to sit awkwardly after everything they've just talked about.]
You know one thing I hated about ending up on this bucket, at the start? It didn't let me have the chance to blast the jerk who hurt Estelle. So, I came up with the next best thing.
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He doesn't ask what the "next best thing" is, figuring he shouldn't ruin the surprise.]
Estelle is fine, at least?
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Yeah... It was a close one, but...she's alright.
[Few things had ever made her as happy in her whole life as when they finally saved Estelle. Yet it also feels just a little awkward, knowing that Natsuno and his friend didn't get anything resembling a happy ending, no matter how much he must have wanted it too...
Well. The only thing to do right now is vent some of that frustration. Rita leads him to an unoccupied area near the pool, and nods.]
This spot should do. Now, let's see... Just give me a second...
[She then just...sits down and flips open the notebook she carries around to a page filled with messily-written equations and what looks like a crude humanoid drawing; she starts to make some additional notes while she talks absently.]
So, anyway... If I couldn't blast that jerk... I figured I'd just make something... [Instead of finishing the thought, she trails off, nodding at the modifications she's made to the spell.] Yeah, this should do. Okay.
[Rita gets back to her feet and casts an earth spell, something like a modified version of her Stalagmite, but instead of a sharp point stabbing up from the ground, it's slower, a little more delicate: a mass of stone that shifts and reforms itself into a rough-hewn humanoid shape.]
...Genius! So. [She turns to Natsuno.] Want to smash the captain?
[Ignore the fact that this is a hasty modification so the proportions are wrong and the face already looks half-beaten-in. It might still vaguely resemble the captain's usual human form if he squints.]
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And she wants him to smash it? It's ridiculous and childish and pointless and just so -
Sweet.
Natsuno chuckles to himself, almost a huff. Well, if Rita put all this work into it, he shouldn't turn it down.
Time to knock that top-hat-lump off its head.]
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