[I'm a monster, not "people" is on the tip of his tongue, but he holds back. Neither of them needs this argument right now, but Natsuno can't help the sudden tightness in his chest - like Rita's only realizing now just how much of a freak he really is.]
Yeah, I'm sure. If it doesn't kill me immediately, I'll be fine. [He shrugs.] You don't need to worry about that.
[She grumbles that agreement; she might still be salty about Clarke doing that, even if it was in the name of getting them out of danger--it's no good if the escape is just as dangerous.]
I know, but...
[Of course...Jade was also a reckless idiot, and after always lecturing her...! But it's not like she's here to rant about how reckless everyone was being (everyone totally not including herself). Sort of--she was worried about him, but there's no changing what already happened. Besides, it's a reminder that Natsuno was there to save both her and Jade.]
A-anyway...about all that... Thanks. You know, for handling that one...
[She doesn't know what to call it. It wasn't really Estelle.]
[She doesn't need to call it anything. He knows exactly what she means.]
Of course.
[Rita shouldn't be thanking him. It wasn't kindness - compared to shiki, it was easy. The zombies were mindless husks. They didn't have the same flaws and dreams they had life, they didn't cry or call his name.]
...I'm sorry you had to see that.
[That disgusting mockery of someone she cared about, and what he did to it.]
Even if it wasn't really her...I don't think I could've...
[She looks over at the pink-haired doll, which...also isn't really Estelle, but at least isn't a twisted, rotting fascimile. It was hard enough forcing herself to fight Estelle once.]
[He nods. That was the point, right? To mess with them, just how the shiki sent Tohru to kill him because they knew he wouldn't fight back.
Natsuno follows her gaze to the doll, and now it clicks: chunks of pink hair, filthy cloth that may have been white once. Someone especially precious, considering Rita keeps it near her pillow instead of the nightstand.]
[She looks at the doll a moment longer; most times, it's on the nightstand with the others, but other times...she likes to keep it a bit closer. After that moment, though, she returns her gaze to Natsuno again.]
It's probably more accurate to say I travelled with them because of her. It was just so I could learn more about her magic, at first. But...she just...wouldn't quit, you know?
[That last part might be vague, but a tinge of embarrassment covers her cheeks as she remembers just...how enthusiastic the girl was about befriending her. And...it worked.]
[Oh, he knows. Suddenly he's reminded of Tohru gripping his bicycle, cheerfully stopping him from walking away the first time they met. Natsuno swore to himself he'll never approach that idiot again, but somehow he ended up on Tohru's doorstep the moment he had another flat tire...]
...yeah, I know.
[He can see how it started for Rita, suffering the unyielding attempts at friendship for the sake of intellectual curiosity only to realize one day that other feelings wormed their way in.]
At some point it's better to just let these types have their way.
[Was, because even the fondest memories are tainted by what became of Tohru after he rose. Gone was the easy-going, unconditionally kind young man who got along with everyone. All that was left was a tormented soul who hated what he's become, but was too weak and scared to do anything about it.]
[While Rita can never seem to settle on using is versus was when it comes to Estelle these days, with Natsuno... From what he's told her, and from the look on his, it can only be was.]
[Tohru. He must have been...especially precious to Natsuno. Someone irreplaceable. Which just makes that latter statement extra painful.]
So--you did, too.
[See ones that looked familiar to him, that is. Rita figured he must have, that it couldn't have just been her and Jade, but Natsuno hid it all so well that she couldn't tell at the time who he might have recognized.]
Sorry. Even though you must have been hurting, too...you were still saving everyone else.
[He shakes his head before Rita even finishes to say "sorry." Hurting? He barely felt anything while they were fleeing. His body moved on its own taking those creatures out.]
...That fake couldn't hurt me. Not after seeing the real Tohru-chan rise.
[Honestly, she doesn't entirely believe that he wasn't hurt. But--seeing him rise--her hands clench nervously with the reminder of what happened in his village, yet she goes ahead and asks anyway-]
[Natsuno is a little surprised that she asks, after freaking out every time he brought it up.]
No. He looked and sounded just like when he was alive. [The difference between the body in the wake, devoid of anything that made Tohru Tohru, and the one knocking on his window was outstanding.] I'd never be able to tell the difference if I didn't feel how cold his hand was.
[He falls silent once more, staring ahead as he thinks. Maybe he should just tell the whole truth, now that Rita is willing to listen despite her discomfort. No more wondering what she'll think if she knows what that "disease" really is.
Some of his other friends already know. Rita deserves the truth as well.]
[It's still...unsettling, and there's a part of her that still wants to deny that any of it was possible. A bigger part of her trusts Natsuno, though. Even if it still sends shivers down her spine.]
Th...that's... [Less visceral than what they encountered last night, maybe? Yet...worse, too--already dealing with his best friend's death, only for him to come back...seemingly normal, yet... Came back wrong, Natsuno had said. ...She can understand how that would've been more painful than yesterday's fakes.
Then Natsuno ends up asking that question before she can collect her thoughts into a response, and she blinks at him.]
Huh? ...I--I guess...
[She's heard of that kind of story in passing, even if she would've preferred not to, but--oh. He did...mention before that they drank blood? And she hadn't been...willing to make the connection, until now that he's putting it out there.]
[So she knows what the word means. It makes things - well, not easier, not with how she's already startled. But is saves him the explanation.]
Yeah.
[Natsuno sighs. Why is it so hard? He mostly kept his true nature to himself, but when hiding it became impossible, he never felt like the confession had to be dragged out of him. It was unpleasant, sure, but also the natural outcome of being a monster. He's always ready to accept any possible reaction, so why is he dreading it now?]
Yes. [He keeps his voice neutral. While he told Rita the truth and only lied by omission, he's not going to make excuses.] I can, too. The difference is that those who died and rose have to drink blood, and I can survive just fine on normal food.
[He's not about to lie by omission now, though. It's time to come clean. While Natsuno's expression doesn't change, he definitely takes a moment to calm himself and think about the clearest, simplest way to put it.]
But... drinking blood makes me stronger and helps me heal faster. They serve it in the buffet, in one of the coffee machines. [Mostly for the other vampires onboard, who don't have the privilege of eating like humans.] I didn't touch it at first, but after Jenny's storm... [He huffs quietly.] I realized I needed every advantage I could get here.
[He'd never feed on passengers, but the coffee machine is there whether he uses it or not.]
[This is all a lot of very unsettling information, in a way, even if she'd struggle to imagine Natsuno as a blood-sucking monster if her life depended on it. It'll probably take a bit of time to process it all.
In the meantime, the detail that stands out to her most here...]
--There's blood in one of those?! Gross...
[Thank goodness she's not that much of a coffee person. Wait, what else did he say...something about drinking it himself??]
[It's definitely gross. Natsuno ignored the damn thing for a month, but it wouldn't stop beeping at him until the first drink he had, in the aftermath of Hurricane Jenny. He could swear the machine looked smug.]
...yeah. Without it, I'm no stronger than humans my age.
[He nods. That's sums it up, really. This really isn't the time to give her a laundry list of his weaknesses - though Natsuno would answer honestly if she asks. For now, he's just... well, let's not dwell on what he's feeling right now. He - appreciates that while Rita's repulsed by the idea of drinking blood, she's not repulsed by him.]
Mm. Shiki can only drink human blood. That's how they turn others. I think the blood in the buffet is human too, but I don't know where or who it comes from.
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neverleave) wrote2022-03-03 11:35 pm
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Yeah, I'm sure. If it doesn't kill me immediately, I'll be fine. [He shrugs.] You don't need to worry about that.
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...If you say so. It's just--hard not to worry when you pull reckless stunts like that!
[Yes she worries about him but let's just cover it in a little layer of tsun, anyway. Besides, he looked so exhausted afterwards...]
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[It's not like he enjoyed flying into the gore-covered asphalt and Ebalon's stupid back.
In a quieter, more somber tone, he adds:]
Jade needed help, so I went to help. That's all.
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[She grumbles that agreement; she might still be salty about Clarke doing that, even if it was in the name of getting them out of danger--it's no good if the escape is just as dangerous.]
I know, but...
[Of course...Jade was also a reckless idiot, and after always lecturing her...! But it's not like she's here to rant about how reckless everyone was being (everyone totally not including herself). Sort of--she was worried about him, but there's no changing what already happened. Besides, it's a reminder that Natsuno was there to save both her and Jade.]
A-anyway...about all that... Thanks. You know, for handling that one...
[She doesn't know what to call it. It wasn't really Estelle.]
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Of course.
[Rita shouldn't be thanking him. It wasn't kindness - compared to shiki, it was easy. The zombies were mindless husks. They didn't have the same flaws and dreams they had life, they didn't cry or call his name.]
...I'm sorry you had to see that.
[That disgusting mockery of someone she cared about, and what he did to it.]
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No--I'm sorry you had to do it. But...thanks.
Even if it wasn't really her...I don't think I could've...
[She looks over at the pink-haired doll, which...also isn't really Estelle, but at least isn't a twisted, rotting fascimile. It was hard enough forcing herself to fight Estelle once.]
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Natsuno follows her gaze to the doll, and now it clicks: chunks of pink hair, filthy cloth that may have been white once. Someone especially precious, considering Rita keeps it near her pillow instead of the nightstand.]
Did Estelle travel with you? Like Yuri and Flynn?
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[She looks at the doll a moment longer; most times, it's on the nightstand with the others, but other times...she likes to keep it a bit closer. After that moment, though, she returns her gaze to Natsuno again.]
It's probably more accurate to say I travelled with them because of her. It was just so I could learn more about her magic, at first. But...she just...wouldn't quit, you know?
[That last part might be vague, but a tinge of embarrassment covers her cheeks as she remembers just...how enthusiastic the girl was about befriending her. And...it worked.]
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...yeah, I know.
[He can see how it started for Rita, suffering the unyielding attempts at friendship for the sake of intellectual curiosity only to realize one day that other feelings wormed their way in.]
At some point it's better to just let these types have their way.
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So you knew one of those types, too?
[She isn't even surprised. It's all too easy to imagine someone like Estelle breaking through his grump act.]
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My best friend was like that.
[Was, because even the fondest memories are tainted by what became of Tohru after he rose. Gone was the easy-going, unconditionally kind young man who got along with everyone. All that was left was a tormented soul who hated what he's become, but was too weak and scared to do anything about it.]
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[While Rita can never seem to settle on using is versus was when it comes to Estelle these days, with Natsuno... From what he's told her, and from the look on his, it can only be was.]
...What was your friend's name?
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[There's a long pause before he can continue. It's still hard to even think about Torhu, let alone talk about him.]
...I saw one shaped like him, back in the desert.
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So--you did, too.
[See ones that looked familiar to him, that is. Rita figured he must have, that it couldn't have just been her and Jade, but Natsuno hid it all so well that she couldn't tell at the time who he might have recognized.]
Sorry. Even though you must have been hurting, too...you were still saving everyone else.
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...That fake couldn't hurt me. Not after seeing the real Tohru-chan rise.
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W-was it...anything like--that? When it happened?
[Like last night, walking, rotting corpses...]
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No. He looked and sounded just like when he was alive. [The difference between the body in the wake, devoid of anything that made Tohru Tohru, and the one knocking on his window was outstanding.] I'd never be able to tell the difference if I didn't feel how cold his hand was.
[He falls silent once more, staring ahead as he thinks. Maybe he should just tell the whole truth, now that Rita is willing to listen despite her discomfort. No more wondering what she'll think if she knows what that "disease" really is.
Some of his other friends already know. Rita deserves the truth as well.]
...do you know what a "vampire" is?
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Th...that's... [Less visceral than what they encountered last night, maybe? Yet...worse, too--already dealing with his best friend's death, only for him to come back...seemingly normal, yet... Came back wrong, Natsuno had said. ...She can understand how that would've been more painful than yesterday's fakes.
Then Natsuno ends up asking that question before she can collect her thoughts into a response, and she blinks at him.]
Huh? ...I--I guess...
[She's heard of that kind of story in passing, even if she would've preferred not to, but--oh. He did...mention before that they drank blood? And she hadn't been...willing to make the connection, until now that he's putting it out there.]
Wait--you mean--that's what happened to him?!
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Yeah.
[Natsuno sighs. Why is it so hard? He mostly kept his true nature to himself, but when hiding it became impossible, he never felt like the confession had to be dragged out of him. It was unpleasant, sure, but also the natural outcome of being a monster. He's always ready to accept any possible reaction, so why is he dreading it now?]
And to me. That was the disease I told you about.
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[She watches him sympathetically, letting him explain--as her brain slowly plays catch-up. So shiki means vampire, and Natsuno's... Her eyes widen.]
Wait...you're a vampire?
[--Well, she can't imagine he'd possibly lie about this, so it has to be true, but...]
But...I thought--you said the ones who didn't survive the transformation drink blood!
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[He's not about to lie by omission now, though. It's time to come clean. While Natsuno's expression doesn't change, he definitely takes a moment to calm himself and think about the clearest, simplest way to put it.]
But... drinking blood makes me stronger and helps me heal faster. They serve it in the buffet, in one of the coffee machines. [Mostly for the other vampires onboard, who don't have the privilege of eating like humans.] I didn't touch it at first, but after Jenny's storm... [He huffs quietly.] I realized I needed every advantage I could get here.
[He'd never feed on passengers, but the coffee machine is there whether he uses it or not.]
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In the meantime, the detail that stands out to her most here...]
--There's blood in one of those?! Gross...
[Thank goodness she's not that much of a coffee person. Wait, what else did he say...something about drinking it himself??]
...Oh, so...that's...why you're so strong?
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...yeah. Without it, I'm no stronger than humans my age.
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[Even if it's something that should seem kind of obvious in retrospect...it still feels surreal. Abstract.]
So...you have weird blood and sometimes you drink blood. That's...basically how it is?
[Yet the ones who died were required to drink blood... Oh. Oh.]
...Does it--is it human blood?
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Mm. Shiki can only drink human blood. That's how they turn others. I think the blood in the buffet is human too, but I don't know where or who it comes from.
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